Is there a hierarchy of grief??
What I mean is, is one persons grief greater than another’s???
The reason I have asked myself this question is that since I have been writing this blog so many of you have opened up to me about your own personal experience with grief and it’s been breathtaking!!
Yes.. I have lost both my parents to the horrendous disease cancer and as many of you know yourselves watching a loved one suffer and pass away from this disease is a harrowing experience..
Setting my own experience aside and getting back to some of the messages I’ve been sent.. messages from parents who have lost children!! Messages from women who have lost their husbands / partners!! Messages from both men and women who have lost siblings!! The list goes on and worse still some of you have lost friends and relatives on more than one occasion!!
Then of course there is the circumstances of losing a loved one.. death from suicide is an all too frequent occurrence. Tragic accidents happen every single day!!
So do the circumstances of a loved ones death make one persons grief worse than another’s ?
Am I being self indulgent by writing this blog and telling anyone who’ll take the time to read it how awful it’s been losing mum? After all it’s natural progression isn’t it..isn’t it normal for a parent to die yet completely unnatural for a parent to lose a child ? Shouldn’t I just be grateful that mum was there on my wedding day and that mum lived to see my first child ? Shouldn’t I be grateful that I got the chance to say goodbye to mum and hold her hand as she took her last breath? Shouldn’t I just be grateful that I had the opportunity to say all the things that I wanted to say to her and tell her how proud I was to call her my mum??
Well I am grateful for all these things.. one of the many lessons grief has taught me is to be grateful..and I do think being able to do and say all the things I wanted to has brought me some comfort but it hasn’t made my grief any less bearable than anyone else’s.
Bereavement is agony regardless of the circumstances. The heartbreak of losing a loved one is painful enough so trying to compare my grief to anyone else’s is futile. Admittedly there have been times when I have read some of your messages and been overwhelmed by sadness.. the pain and anguish some of you have suffered is horrendous.. and I dread the day that death once again makes an appearance.. inevitably it will for us all…
In answer to my own question “is there a hierarchy of grief?”
I’m going to say ..
No..