“You WILL lose your hair” said the consultant (rather abruptly), I’m sure she had already said those words a number of times that day but when those words are directed at your own mum it takes your breath away.
A lot of my memories of that day are a blur as it was a constant rush between different appointments but that was the first one, the one where we were told how the treatment would work, what the time frame would be and the various different side effects that may or may not occur– Harrowing!!
The appointment with “the wig woman” ( that’s what we called her) was soon upon us. I was dreading it, I can’t imagine how mum must have felt. Every time I asked her if she was ok she said yes?? Cancer patients are constantly being referred to as “Brave” but that doesn’t even come close. The courage and determination my mum showed that day and through her illness was nothing short of heroic.
She is now and will always be my hero.
Sitting outside waiting for our turn to see “the wig woman” we didn’t speak much, I was repeating the mantra “whatever you do don’t cry, whatever you do don’t cry” inside my head as I could feel the tears welling. My tears did fall and so did Mum’s but not for her. As the door of “the wig room” opened the most beautiful young girl with the most beautiful long blond hair walked out with her head bowed, she had been in getting fitted for her wig. Mum and I looked at the beautiful young girl then looked at each other as the grim reality set in. This horrible disease was so ugly and dare I use the word unfair…
Treatment started and mums hair started to fall out in clumps. I contacted my friend who is a hairdresser and we made an appointment to get mums head shaved one evening. Harrowing!! Again I tried to repeat the mantra “don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry” but it was in vane. Sitting there watching my mum sitting in front of a mirror getting her head shaved was just to much for me emotionally to take. It was excruciatingly painful for me to watch and for mum to endure. Mum was her usual “Brave” self.
The whole experience was humbling to say the least. Yes it was upsetting and at the time seemed nothing short of horrendous but as our journey progressed and at every treatment mum went to there were so many people there with their head scarves on or wigs on or just with their bald heads so we soon became accustomed to it. It almost became normal..
I know many of you reading this will understand and identify with me and for those who don’t I pray you never will.
Please feel free to contact me if you want to share your story, this blog isn’t just for me it’s for anyone on the horrible journey of grief.
It’s here to help..