What do I miss most about not having mum around?
That’s a really tough question because I could write an endless list of things I miss about her.
Right at the top of the list would be “being a mum without a mum”
Mum was the first person through the door when my daughter ( her first granddaughter) was born. Even though I’d had a Cesarean, mum managed to get into the recovery suit to see me and more importantly her new granddaughter. I remember her and I staring into the hospital cot at the tiny baby and we just looked at each other and cried ( hormones !!). It is one of those special stand out memories that constantly comes to mind, we had a new bond between us now and it was amazing..
Mum was there over the next months and years constantly offering advice and support. I remember being caught up in a frenzy of getting routine established, being obsessed with doing it all, the clean house, the content baby, not to mention trying to get my figure back. Mum said “slow down and just talk to your baby, talk to her” It stopped me in my tracks. It hadn’t occurred to me that although the practical aspects of being a parent are important, getting to know my daughter and forming a bond with her was really what I should have been concentrating on. Only a mum would notice that, only a mum could give that advice.
Mum continued her support and I went back to work full time. Life was good, I had a good job, a baby daughter and a happy marriage. Then the bomb dropped ( literally an explosion). Mum had cancer. I’ll not go into the details now, that’s for another blog. The diagnosis was not good and when I was 7 months pregnant with my second child mummy died.
At the birth of my son mum was not there at the hospital, she was not there to help me when I got home. Mum was not there to take my baby for a walk while I had a nap. I had no mum turning up with a lasagne saying ” that’ll do for your dinner”. I did remember though to talk to my son, I talked and talked to him about the granny he never would see.
It’s now 4 years on ( and I have another son).
I watch mums and daughters out to lunch or having coffee together and my heart aches for her. When I’m at the park with my children I watch grandparents playing with their grandchildren, pushing them on the swings and I feel a pang of jealousy. I want that for my children.. but it’s not going to happen and although I have accepted that, I still find this one of the hardest things about ” being a mum without a mum”
My children are still young and I’m still grieving, I know I will miss different things as life moves on and my children grow and become adults.
Please feel free to share your own stories on “being a mum without a mum”
This blog is for everyone out there who feels the same pain I do..
Having someone who can truly empathize rather than sympathize can be a great help.
PM me, share this post with someone who you think it might help, do whatever is necessary to help you on this journey xx