“You know it’s been 3 years now since your mum died. Some people might think that you should be over it by now. Obviously I’m not saying that but I think that some people might be”
That’s the statement my line manager said to me.. word for word…
My immediate response was .. “clearly you are thinking that” … but I sat there and said nothing..
I didn’t have the will or the inclination to respond..
It did make me think though..
Is there a timeframe??
Should I be ok now about mums death ??
Because honestly 3 years after mums death I was at my lowest.
Looking back on it now ( 5 and a half years later) it makes me realise how ignorant people can be when it comes to understanding grief. My boss had clearly not experienced the loss of a loved one because anyone who had would ever in a million years come out with a statement like that.
I’ve written before about the alleged 5 stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are all stages in the grieving process and I’ve experienced them all but not necessarily in that order and certainly not one at a time. Just because you’ve accepted something doesn’t mean you don’t get angry about it. When depression enters your life and you somehow manage to get through it, be under no illusion that it’s gone for good.. it can return at any time..
A previous blog had this quote and it still resonates with me ….
“When you experience loss people say you’ll move through 5 stages of grief…denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance… what they don’t tell you is that you’ll cycle through them every day”
I honestly don’t think grieving is a process.. I think it’s a new way of life that you just have to adapt to. It’s a journey you are forced to go on not one that you have chosen. It’s a particularly unpleasant journey that at times is so exhausting it’s almost debilitating. It’s mentally and physically draining.
So getting back to the timeframe question..
In my humble opinion there is no set time for grief.. we are all unique and cope with things on different ways… just like we learn things in different ways…
This blog is my way of dealing with mums death and I know by the comments and messages I receive almost on a daily basis that it’s helping others too..
Dishing out advice really isn’t my thing but I will say this..
Don’t let the thoughtless remarks of others bring you down and please don’t put yourself under any pressure to “get over” your grief..