Moving On……
Following on from last weeks blog (6 years ago) I’ve realised just how much life has changed.. and it’s the changes that death creates that can prolong and intensify grief.
The sadness and depression are bad enough but the added mammoth task of learning to live life without mum has at times seemed almost impossible. It’s not only the physical aspect of mum I miss.. picking up the phone for a chat, her picking up my daughter from school and stepping in on numerous occasions to do favours when I needed them.. the list goes on…. I’d be writing forever listing the things mum did for me…
The changes in friendships and dynamics of relationships even with family can be difficult to accept. Friendships were tested to the limit. The obvious true best friends are still very much part of my life. However there are those who sadly were not there to help and support me .. and that is hard to accept .. it’s almost like another grief.. another form of rejection.. that’s how it seems at the time anyway… when I was at my most vulnerable everything seemed like another blow.. another setback..
6 years ago ( and still today) there were dark and difficult times.
6 years on.. to the day.. what was I doing ?
I went to work..
I picked up the kids from school..
I did homework ( with kids)..
I made the dinner..
I didn’t tidy or hoover..
I got kids ready for bed..
I got myself ready for ( wait for it..)HOCKEY..
I came home..
You see not only have I lost some friends but I have gained new friends and re-established some (old) friendships too!!!
Time ( 6 years) has passed so quickly and I sometimes wish I could turn the clock back.. but that is not going to happen..wallowing in self pity was acceptable for a while but eventually ( again.. 6 years)I have realised that embracing the change is much more fulfilling than trying to reject it..